Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
