grandma shit on top of the toilet
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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