I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
