Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
