did you get engaged???
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
