oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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