Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Still dying that you shit outside
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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