She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
