shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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