maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
