You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
