and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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