Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am available for nakedness
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
