Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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