I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
