I want to stick my p in your. b.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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