Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
