Don't make out with my wife yet
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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