Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
