it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude. I can hear the air.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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