Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
