She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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