I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
