Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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