you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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