this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
