i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were trust falling into bushes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
