Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We got so high we made milksteak
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
