girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
