I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
