Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
