I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
