it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
me + whiskey = a bad person
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
