Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
