I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
