We named our party play list daddy issues
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
