seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I believe in your delicious
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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