So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
