So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
