just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
