I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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