I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
a search helicopter?!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize