recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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