Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
