i just had sex bonerless
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
