Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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