Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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