its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
