My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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