My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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