it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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