it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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