What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
