Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
