I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
