I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
