I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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