Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
