i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
