Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
