the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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