You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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