I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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