i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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