Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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