Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize