Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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